The emotional roller coaster of divorce

Divorce will inevitably induce feelings in both spouses that are disheartening and uncomfortable. The reasons behind this, some of which may be obvious, are listed and explained below.
Anxiety
Sadness
Disappointment
Interest/Curiosity
Suspicion

Often, the above emotions can lead into feelings of:
Panic
Depression
Betrayal
Self Greed
Paranoia

Experiencing separation, from the time we are very young, induces feelings of anxiety. When we are unprepared for these separations or they are perceived as traumatic, naturally occurring feelings of anxiety can turn into feelings of panic. Thoughts of how you might deal with the separation and if you can manage the pain may further invoke feelings of panic. Additionally, separation may invoke feelings of sadness. Separation that feels as if it is a significant and unbearable loss can feed into a state of depression.

Unfulfilled expectations of a marriage can be experienced as disappointment, or when perceived as more unbearable, be experienced as feelings of betrayal.

Divorce can also bring feelings of rivalry between spouses. Curiosity regarding the process of divorce and protection of self-interests can feed into feelings of self-greed and attempts at punishing one's spouse. These efforts inevitably harbor a sense of suspicion regarding the intents of the other and, if not dealt with, can become feelings of paranoia.

How can mediation help couples navigate through this emotional roller-coaster successfully? How can mediation help position divorcing couples for success as parents and direct them toward a renewed sense of wholeness?

For starters, it sets the stage for problem solving and communication. Adversarial approaches (litigation) to marriage dissolution, by nature, can encourage feelings of self greed, paranoia, depression, anger and panic. Mediation, on the other hand, promotes working together to come to a common goal. It helps build trust as disclosures and intentions are discussed and negotiated face to face. It can help to instill a much needed sense of faith in the possibility of win-win decisions regarding tough to negotiate issues. Mediation satisfies both parties’ needs and, as a result, protects the needs of children.

Mediation is a healing process, done with an open heart and a unique faith in the couple’s ability to resolve emotional pain and move forward with new strength and a new understanding of each other. Mediation encourages healing the feelings of anxiety, sadness, disappointment, curiosity and suspicion before these emotional experiences lead into the more difficult and painful feelings of panic, depression, betrayal, self-greed and paranoia.

In mediation, conflict between a divorcing couple is viewed as an opportunity for the growth of new patterns in communication, a building of one's faith in their ability to manage difficult times and cope and a renewed focus on the possibilities of the future.